"Every cloud has it's silver lining". "Every time one door closes another one opens". "Maybe it's a blessing in disguise".
If I had a penny for every time someone (including myself) said this to me before Christmas, I'd be like, a fiver up.
Okay, not quite a fiver.
But my point is, in the past I probably would have just chalked this up as sentimental waffle that people say for encouragement.
In the last three months though, I have come to see some truth in it.
I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had a bit of a wake up call, forcing me to see the life I'd let myself slip into. I've realised how easy it is to just "let things happen", and stay in a situation because it's more comfortable than rocking a boat. I'm sure we all do it sometimes - sticking with a job, friend, partner or some other bad habit when we know in our heart that it isn't what we want, simply because it's simpler to keep to what we know than to shake things up, or allow ourselves to be shaken up by something else. I can see now that I had totally cocooned myself into a secure little nest, mostly under the excuse that it "makes sense". I had a nice little house, a nice little routine, and a nice little set of bills and chores to keep on top of - which is a sign of growing up and living life, isn't it?
Hm. Maybe, maybe not.
As I say, I've been fortunate and was given the shake-up that I didn't even think I needed. Why was I pushing my dreams into a corner? Why was I jeopardising my relationship? Why was I repeatedly forking out a ton of money each month for "grown up" things? Because change seemed unnecessary, and scary, and like it could lead to disappointment, failure or regret.
Well, yes. Change might make you seem poorer, or lonelier, or physically exhausted in the short term, but that isn't the same thing as failure and regret. Ending something allows a new thing to start. Leaving something means you get to arrive somewhere else. It's very rare that someone hands you the opportunity for change on a plate, so if you see something you want then don't feel selfish - grab it. In six months you could be waking up next to someone you can't wait to see, springing out of bed to get to a job you're crazy about or ending the day somewhere you can truly feel at home.
Am I scared that this might all fall apart, and be an expensive, upsetting, complicated mess? Actually, not so much; something in my gut is telling me it's "right". And even if it does, so what? I'm happy that I've taken the chance to re-evaluate what I've been doing, and am taking the risk to move towards something that will (hopefully) be a lot more satisfying. One door might be about to click shut, but the next one - at least the door to our flat in Brighton - is about to open.
No comments:
Post a Comment